woman in red t shirt looking at her laptop

Letting Your Teenager Fail in School: Six Tips To Help Them Learn From Their Mistakes

Are you considering letting your teenager fail in school?

You have tried everything, rewards, private tutors, parent-teacher conferences, meetings with the administration, rewards, consequences, and everything in between. Without your teen’s buy-in, you have become increasingly responsible for their academics. You are even considering letting your teenager fail in school.

I understand your desire to help your teenager avoid failure in school. As an educational coach who has worked with hundreds of students, I’ve witnessed the marathon parents have to run to keep up with their children. I have tremendous empathy for the challenges that you face. Your concerns about their future are authentic and valid. You want your son or daughter to have the opportunity to go to a good university, earn scholarships, and get a good job. 

Avoiding failure is counterproductive to these goals.  

Letting your teenager fail in school is a step in the right direction. Teenagers thirst for independence and autonomy. Constantly being redirected and avoiding the consequences of their actions can lead to apathy and indifference toward their academics. It can also have serious long-term consequences.  

Experiencing the consequences of their actions will teach your teen many important lessons about life and will help prepare them for a successful future.  

Letting your teenager fail does not mean you should leave them without support. I’ve developed a list of six tips to help you and your teenager navigate failure. These tips embrace a hands-off approach while giving your teen the support and guidance they need to succeed. The balance of independence and indirect support is a combination that helps many teens find their footing, motivate themselves, and reach their potential in school. 

The Long-term Benefits of Letting Your Teenager Fail in School

It can be tempting to help your teenager avoid failure, but this has negative consequences in the long run. Your teen will learn valuable lessons by experiencing and learning from failure. 

Letting your teenager fail in school has long term benefits

Letting Your Teenager Fail in School Prepares Them for the Future

It might be tempting to rescue your teenager from an assignment they left at home or a test they haven’t studied for.

Is it more important that your child get a good grade now or be an independent, motivated adult? 

While a good grade is always nice, what’s more important in the long run is that your child learns how to deal with challenges and setbacks. If you constantly remind your teenager to study for a test or bring their forgotten homework, they will never know how to do it independently.  

Your teenager will face many obstacles in the future. Learning how to deal with failure will set them up for later success. 

Learning from failure and mistakes is a short-term loss but a long-term gain. It can be helpful to remind yourself of your long-term objectives when you are tempted to rescue your teenager.

Let your Teenager Get Comfortable being Uncomfortable

As a parent, you know exactly how uncomfortable life can be. When they are older, teenagers face awkward conversations with their boss, upsetting their partner, or dealing with a demanding customer.

Your teenager must get comfortable being uncomfortable now. If you always step in to save them, they will never learn how to cope with difficult situations.

Letting your teenager fail in school is one way to help them get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Your teenager will not always have you there to save them. 

Avoiding Failure In School Causes Entitlement

Protecting your teen from failure and discomfort can teach them that they shouldn’t ever experience negative or bad feelings. Learning to avoid these types of emotions can lead to a sense of entitlement.

A sense of entitlement will teach teenagers that they are not responsible for their actions. A sense of entitlement can harm their academic, personal, and professional life.

It is important to remember that your teenager is not entitled to a good grade. They are responsible for their actions and should be prepared to face the consequences of their actions. In the end, your teenager can learn to overcome failure through acceptance, responsibility, and action.

Learning from Failing in School

Learning from Failure Teaches a Growth Mindset 

A growth mindset is one of the most important things someone can learn. It is the belief that they can continue to grow and surpass their current ability level through hard work, effort, advice, and learning from their mistakes.

A growth mindset will empower your teenager to make the most of their natural abilities, reach their potential, and motivate them to do the necessary work. Achieving this mindset is impossible without accepting your mistakes and learning from them.

Six Tips to Help Your Teen Navigate Failing in School 

Watching your teenager fail is not easy for any parent. However, letting your teenager face the consequence of their actions doesn’t mean you have to walk away entirely. These tips can help you support your teenager while they learn from their mistakes.

1. Embrace a Question-Based Approach While Letting Your Teenager Fail In School

One of the best ways to support your teenager as they begin to take responsibility for their mistakes is to embrace question-asking. Question asking is far more effective than being prescriptive.

Asking questions demonstrates interest in your teenager’s perspective and opinion. It can also teach them that they hold the answers and solutions to the problems that they are facing.

For example, asking the following questions after your teenager makes a mistake can support their growth tremendously:

  • What went wrong?
  • How can you improve in the future?
  • What did you learn from this experience?

Don’t expect a specific answer when you ask this type of question. Teenagers can tell when they are fishing for a particular answer. If your teen gives a solution you don’t like, that is ok.

An answer they are forced to give is the “illusion” of a win. It might sound good, but it doesn’t mean anything. 

Finally, if you have some relevant advice you would like to give, ask your teenager if they would like to hear it. Allow them to turn down your offer. You will be surprised how differently they respond to your advice when you ask for their consent first.

Setting boundaries is an important part of letting your teenager fail in school.

2. Let your Teenager Set up Clear Expectations and Boundaries

As much as teens seek independence and autonomy, they also want boundaries and expectations. Working with your teen to set these can give them a sense of ownership over their actions and behavior. 

To set clear expectations, meet your teen first and ask for their opinion. The following questions can be helpful:

  • What are reasonable academic/behavioral expectations?
  • What do they need to do to meet those expectations?
  • What is the reward for reaching the expectations, and what is the consequence for not achieving them?

If they are unsure, offer some suggestions. However, don’t make the mistake of offering too many suggestions.

These expectations and boundaries must be realistic and achievable. For example, if your teenager is failing a class, it might be unrealistic to expect them to get an A.

It is also essential that these expectations and boundaries are clear. Vague expectations only lead to frustration on your part and your teenager’s.

3. Focus on A Specific Problem While Letting Your Teenager Fail In School

As a parent, it can be easy to see all the challenges facing your teenager. You might be worried about their college opportunities or if they can show up to their job on time. These concerns can result in nagging and other unhelpful behaviors that will not motivate your teenager.

Instead of worrying about a dozen different things, take some time and identify the areas you want to help your teenager the most. These areas of focus might be:

  • turning in homework on time
  • completing responsibilities at home
  • writing down assignments in their agenda

Once you have identified the problem(s) you want to focus on, prioritize it and let the other concerns slide. You can get to those in the future. Presenting a consistent and focused message to your teenager will help them stay on track without overwhelming them. 

A schedule can help your teen learn from failing in school.

4. Establish a Routine with your Teenager

Establishing a routine with your teenager is one of the best ways that you can help them succeed while allowing them to take responsibility for their actions. Like setting boundaries or expectations, this should be a collaborative effort.

Start by sitting down with your teenager and asking them what a typical day looks like for them.

Then, ask them to identify any time blocks that could be used more effectively. Finally, ask them what they need to do to meet their academic/behavioral expectations.

Use the answers to these questions to help your teenager establish a routine. Be sure to include extracurricular responsibilities and family events. 

The next step is helping your teenager stick to the routine by holding them accountable.

You can do this by checking in with them at regular intervals. You can also model this behavior by working at the same time they are. For example, if they decide to do homework from 5:00-7:00 pm every night, bring your work, sit in the same room, and work alongside your teenager.

Demonstrating to your teen that you also follow a routine is an excellent way to get them to buy into the concept without forcing them to do it.

As your teenager sees success following this routine, the following steps are asking them if they would like to make any adjustments or tweak to their schedule. Eventually, you will not need to hold them accountable, and they will follow the schedule because they see its value. 

5. Hire an Academic Coach for Your Teenager

Giving your teen the space to fail and learn from their mistakes can be stressful for both you and your teen. Hiring an academic coach is an excellent move if you want to facilitate this process and make it easier for you and your teen.

An academic coach can help your teen develop the skills and habits they need to succeed in school. A coach can also give your teenager accountability and support from a 3rd party.

Support from a third party can be an invaluable resource for your teen as they work to improve their grades and take responsibility for their academic future.

Additionally, an academic coach can help you and your efforts to create a home environment that supports your teenager as they make mistakes and learn from them.

You and your teenager don’t have to go through this process alone. An academic coach can be the exact kind of support needed for all parties involved.

Praise is an important part of letting your teenager fail in school.

6. Succeed or Fail in School: Praise the Effort Rather Than the Outcome 

Praising effort is one of the most important steps you can take to support your teen as they learn to grow from their mistakes. Your teenager is going to make mistakes. It is inevitable. What matters is how they handle these failures.

Praising your teen’s effort rather than the outcome will help them see that you value their hard work and determination. It will also help them understand that you are not just focused on the result.

Your teenager cannot guarantee success. They cannot ensure they will get an A on a test or achieve a certain GPA. They might become deflated and discouraged if they fail to meet these goals.

However, if you praise their effort and hard work, your teen will understand that even though they didn’t reach their goal, they were still successful. They can use this critical lesson in other areas of their life, such as in their future career.

Moving Forward 

Letting your teenager fail and take responsibility for their actions is a huge step. Giving your teenager the independence and autonomy to own their actions can teach them many valuable lessons. The tips I’ve outlined in this article can help you support your teen as they undertake this journey.

If you want additional support for you and your teen, let’s talk. I am an academic coach that has helped hundreds of students reach their potential. 

Every child is different, so let’s discuss how we can work together to get your child back on track – schedule your free consultation

About the Author: John Hyde

I am an educational coach specializing in teaching students academic fundamentals and a growth mindset. 

After graduating from Duke University in 2015, I taught at a public middle school from 2016 to 2019. Although I loved working with students in the classroom, the public education system was not teaching students the skills essential to academic success. 

I left the classroom in 2019 to start Academic Empowerment Academy. Since then, my coaching program has helped hundreds of students realize their academic potential by assisting them in building confidence and empowering them with the skills and mindset to meet their goals in school and life. 

If you’d like to discuss how I can help your teen be more motivated, foster good habits, and improve academic organization/performance, Book a Complimentary Discovery Call Here.


Secret School Tips For Parents 
As parents, you want your children to excel in school and achieve …
Online Success Coach: Unlocking Your Teen’s Potential
As a parent, you want your teen to succeed academically and in …
School Is Setting Your Child Up For Failure
Schools don't care about students and are setting your child up for …
10 Bad Study Habits You Need to Break Immediately
In my experience as a classroom teacher and an academic coach, one …

Author Spotlight

Hi I’m John, author of this blog, academic coach, and founder of AE Academy.

I help teens reach their academic potential by empowering them with academic fundamentals, a growth mindset, and critical thinking. 

If your teen is struggling to reach their academic potential, or isn’t learning the skills they need to succeed in school, we should connect.

It’s on me – Book Your Free Call Here

gray scale photo of man covering face with his hands

Academic Pressure And Mental Health: 9 Tips to Help Your Teen

It is hard to mange academic pressure and mental health

Almost 75% of high school students self-reported feeling negative about school and struggling with academic pressure and mental health.

Let that sink in for a moment.

These are the alarming findings of a recent study by Yale University that polled almost 22,000 current US high school students.

Ignoring this problem can have serious repercussions. Over time, teenagers can develop anxiety and depression, lose their passion for learning, and fail to reach their academic potential.

As an academic coach, I’ve seen the long-term consequences of academic pressure on students. If it is not addressed, it can create bad habits at best and become debilitating at worst. 

In an overwhelmed school system, supporting the mental health of teenagers largely falls on the shoulders of the parents. To help you support your teenagers in these difficult times, I’ve created a list of nine tips you can use to help your teenager manage academic pressure and mental health.

Nine Tips for Managing Academic Pressure and Mental Health

I encourage you to implement these tips at your discretion. You know your teen better than anyone.

1. Address Your Mental Health to Help your Teen

Throughout my experience as an academic coach, tutor, and classroom teacher, I have observed that the most common source of academic pressure comes from parents. Fortunately, it is also the source that you have the most control over. 

Do you have stress about your teen’s academic future? If so, you could pass this on to them. Even if the pressure is not explicit, your teen can pick it up in your behavior and attitude. 

Academic pressure from parents almost always comes from a good place; you want the best for your teen. However, this desire can become overwhelming and have a negative impact.

I recommend taking the following steps:

  • Take some time to consider if you have stress and anxiety about your teen’s academic performance. 
  • If you believe your stress is excessive, seeing a therapist can help you manage these feelings. I also recommend being transparent. Let your teen know how you are feeling, and, most importantly, ask them how it impacts them. 

If you believe your teen is not reaching their academic potential, I recommend working together to develop an actionable plan.

Every parent wants their teen to succeed academically. However, putting excessive pressure on them is counterproductive. There are many effective ways to motivate your teen.

2. Give Praise and Affirmations to Decrease Academic Pressure

One of the best ways to alleviate academic pressure and improve your teen’s mental health is to give positive praise and affirmations. Studies have shown that you should give praise at a ratio of 5:1. In other words, you should give five times more praise than criticism.

Unfortunately, in practice, this ratio often exists in the opposite direction, and teens receive far more negative reinforcement than positive affirmations. An emphasis on the negative can be the driving force behind negative feelings about school, even if your teen is performing well.

The best way to address this problem is to focus on what your teen is doing well. Additionally, pick and choose your battles when it comes to criticism. Remember, we all make many mistakes on our way to adulthood.

When giving praise, it is essential to be genuine and specific. The following are some examples of what you can say:

  • I’m so proud of the effort you’ve been putting into your schoolwork
  • You must have studied hard for that test because your grades have improved
  • You’re doing a great job of managing your time

Notice that all three examples are related to behavior rather than the outcome (i.e., grades). Your teen has far more control over their behavior. Emphasizing the behavior can help your teen sustain their academic performance while minimizing the academic pressure they feel.

By affirming your teen’s efforts, you are letting them know that you see and appreciate their hard work. This type of positive reinforcement can be extremely helpful in alleviating academic pressure and improving mental health.

A reward system and help your teen navigate academic pressure and mental health

3. Create a Reward System

Teens often face an abundance of academic pressure because of the negative connotations they develop with school. If your teen perceives school negatively, ambition can turn into anxiety.

A great way to change this perspective is to develop a reward system. A reward system will demonstrate the value of your teen’s hard work and give them something positive to focus on. In an ideal world, grades would be enough, but in reality, grades hold little social or economic value in the eyes of teens.

The key to creating an effective reward system is ensuring the rewards are attainable and focused on the desired behavior instead of the outcome. 

It is also essential to avoid using rewards as a way to bribe or manipulate your teen into doing something. Your teen should agree to any reward. Getting their input will make the reward system far more effective.

I also recommend that the reward system be based on behavior rather than the outcome. Outcomes are hard to control, but establishing rewards for studying every day, or turning in homework on time, are far more likely to create positive habits and reduce stress.

If you want to set up a reward system with your teen, I encourage you to have a conversation with them. Let them know that you want to reward them for their hard work academically. Collaborate with them and select behaviors and rewards agreeable to both of you.

4. Encourage Self-Care and Coping Skills To Manage Academic Pressure and Mental health

No matter how positive, caring, and compassionate you are, your teen will still face academic pressure. Since they cannot avoid it, encouraging them to find ways of coping and managing stress are excellent ways to reduce the negative impact of academic pressure on their mental health.

Since self-care is not commonly discussed at school, this is another conversation I recommend you have with your teenager. Talk to your teen about the importance of managing stress and taking care of yourself. Ask them questions about what makes them feel good and what you can do to support them. 

If your teen is at a loss or would like suggestions, many different coping skills and self-care activities can help them. The following are some examples of what you can encourage:

  • Exercise
  • Yoga
  • Meditation
  • Journaling
  • Spending time outside
  • Spending time with friends 
  • Creating art 

Your teen may need to experiment with different coping mechanisms until they find the one that works best. Once they have identified the winner, I recommend incorporating it into their schedule. 

a schedule and to-do list are essential for dealing with academic pressure

5. Create a Schedule With To-do Lists

Another great way to help your teen manage academic pressure and mental health is to help them get organized.

Teens often feel overwhelmed by their academics. The strategies they used in middle school may no longer be effective, so they cannot juggle their responsibilities. Many teenagers resort to working harder, which is effective to a certain point but can lead to burnout and anxiety in the long run.

Instead of working harder, show your teen how to work smarter. 

One of the best ways to help your teen work efficiently is to create a schedule and a to-do list. There are many ways to make a schedule, but the key is finding what works best for your teen. I recommend using a whiteboard or a planner so they can easily visualize their commitments. Keeping a daily agenda is also a helpful tool.

Your teen may scoff at these old-school methods. Using their phone or an app can also be effective. What matters is that your teen picks a system and sticks with it.

When creating a schedule, I recommend that your teen blocks off time for homework, chores, extra-curricular activities, and self-care. Doing so will ensure that your teen has enough time to complete everything. If you notice that their schedule is too full to accommodate everything, this could be a sign that they are over-committed.

6. Encourage Self-advocacy To Manage Academic Pressure in High School

Developmentally, teens are at a stage where they want to demonstrate their independence. Additionally, many teens perceive that asking for help means they are dumb or don’t know what to do.

As a result, teens put a lot of pressure on themselves to know the correct answer and accomplish things independently without assistance. These individualistic attitudes are the personification of academic stress.

Encouraging your teen to advocate for themselves is an essential step in decreasing the academic pressure they face and also an important step in maintaining their mental health. Asking for help and letting others know you need assistance is one of the best ways to avoid the severe consequences of poor mental health.

Let your teen know that you are there to support them and that they can ask you questions and seek advice. Your teen may balk at this because you are, after all, their parents. You can also encourage them to seek help from other trusted family members, teachers, and mentors.

It may also be helpful to ask your teen questions about their performance in school. Your teen may be overwhelmed and not know where to go for help. This uncertainty is widespread among teens who excelled in middle school but find high school more challenging.  

Talking with your teen can help them manage their mental health

7. Be Transparent About The Academic Pressure and Mental Health Challenges You Faced

One of the most significant sources of academic pressure and poor mental health among teenagers is constantly comparing themselves to the adults around them. They see their parents, teachers, and family friends, who are far more polished and put together than they are.

The comparison teens make between themselves and adults is often the source of unruly and overconfident teenage behavior. Teens feel the need to compensate.

This disconnection can make teens uncomfortable, lack confidence, and create anxiety. The best way to deal with this is to address it directly. Let your teen know about the mistakes you made in the past and the mistakes that you make now.

Being transparent about your successes and failures will help your teen feel more connected to you and demonstrate that it is okay to make mistakes.

Additionally, being open with your teenager about your academic journey can help them understand that there is more than one way to achieve success. You can also talk about how you coped with academic pressure and the techniques you used to manage it.

Transparency and honesty will help your teen understand that they are not alone in feeling the pressures of academic life.

8. Be the Change You Wish To See

As you encourage your teen to implement these tips, it may be challenging for them. They may struggle to understand the importance of these tips if they don’t see the adults around them practicing them.

If you think your teenager would benefit from one or more of these tips, one of the best ways to support them is by modeling it.

For example, if you want your teen to be more organized, create a schedule for yourself and make to-do lists. If you want your teen to exercise more, make time for it in your schedule.

Modeling these behaviors can help bring you closer to your teen, improve your relationship with them, and positively benefit your mental health.

You are your teen’s most significant role model, even if they are a typically flippant teenager. The example that you set can propel them forward.

Working with an academic coach can be the solution

9. Work With an Academic Coach

Helping your teen manage academic pressure and mental health can be a tremendous challenge.

A great way to allow your teen to feel independent while still giving them the support they need to handle their academics is to hire an academic coach.

An academic coach can help your teen develop healthy study habits, manage their time effectively, reduce stress levels, and implement the tips in this article. Additionally, since an academic coach is not connected to family or school, teens are more likely to listen and heed their advice.

Working with an academic coach is an investment in your teen’s future and can help them succeed academically and improve their mental health.

If you are interested in finding an academic coach for your teen, let’s chat. I’ve helped hundreds of teenagers manage academic pressure, work smarter, not harder, and maintain their mental health. Your teen could be next.

About the Author: John Hyde

I am an educational coach specializing in teaching students academic fundamentals and a growth mindset. 

After graduating from Duke University in 2015, I taught at a public middle school from 2016 to 2019. Although I loved working with students in the classroom, the public education system was not teaching students the skills essential to academic success. 

I left the classroom in 2019 to start Academic Empowerment Academy. Since then, my coaching program has helped hundreds of students realize their academic potential by assisting them in building confidence and empowering them with the skills and mindset to meet their goals in school and life. 

If you’d like to discuss how I can help your teen be more motivated, foster good habits, and improve academic organization/performance, Book a Complimentary Discovery Call Here.


Secret School Tips For Parents 
As parents, you want your children to excel in school and achieve …
Online Success Coach: Unlocking Your Teen’s Potential
As a parent, you want your teen to succeed academically and in …
School Is Setting Your Child Up For Failure
Schools don't care about students and are setting your child up for …
10 Bad Study Habits You Need to Break Immediately
In my experience as a classroom teacher and an academic coach, one …

Author Spotlight

Hi I’m John, author of this blog, academic coach, and founder of AE Academy.

I help teens reach their academic potential by empowering them with academic fundamentals, a growth mindset, and critical thinking. 

If your teen is struggling to reach their academic potential, or isn’t learning the skills they need to succeed in school, we should connect.

It’s on me – Book Your Free Call Here