Tag: parenting

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Letting Your Teenager Fail in School: Six Tips To Help Them Learn From Their Mistakes

Posted on by John Hyde in Setting Goals for School
Are you considering letting your teenager fail in school?

You have tried everything, rewards, private tutors, parent-teacher conferences, meetings with the administration, rewards, consequences, and everything in between. Without your teen’s buy-in, you have become increasingly responsible for their academics. You are even considering letting your teenager fail in school.

I understand your desire to help your teenager avoid failure in school. As an educational coach who has worked with hundreds of students, I’ve witnessed the marathon parents have to run to keep up with their children. I have tremendous empathy for the challenges that you face. Your concerns about their future are authentic and valid. You want your son or daughter to have the opportunity to go to a good university, earn scholarships, and get a good job. 

Avoiding failure is counterproductive to these goals.  

Letting your teenager fail in school is a step in the right direction. Teenagers thirst for independence and autonomy. Constantly being redirected and avoiding the consequences of their actions can lead to apathy and indifference toward their academics. It can also have serious long-term consequences.  

Experiencing the consequences of their actions will teach your teen many important lessons about life and will help prepare them for a successful future.  

Letting your teenager fail does not mean you should leave them without support. I’ve developed a list of six tips to help you and your teenager navigate failure. These tips embrace a hands-off approach while giving your teen the support and guidance they need to succeed. The balance of independence and indirect support is a combination that helps many teens find their footing, motivate themselves, and reach their potential in school. 

The Long-term Benefits of Letting Your Teenager Fail in School

It can be tempting to help your teenager avoid failure, but this has negative consequences in the long run. Your teen will learn valuable lessons by experiencing and learning from failure. 

Letting your teenager fail in school has long term benefits

Letting Your Teenager Fail in School Prepares Them for the Future

It might be tempting to rescue your teenager from an assignment they left at home or a test they haven’t studied for.

Is it more important that your child get a good grade now or be an independent, motivated adult? 

While a good grade is always nice, what’s more important in the long run is that your child learns how to deal with challenges and setbacks. If you constantly remind your teenager to study for a test or bring their forgotten homework, they will never know how to do it independently.  

Your teenager will face many obstacles in the future. Learning how to deal with failure will set them up for later success. 

Learning from failure and mistakes is a short-term loss but a long-term gain. It can be helpful to remind yourself of your long-term objectives when you are tempted to rescue your teenager.

Let your Teenager Get Comfortable being Uncomfortable

As a parent, you know exactly how uncomfortable life can be. When they are older, teenagers face awkward conversations with their boss, upsetting their partner, or dealing with a demanding customer.

Your teenager must get comfortable being uncomfortable now. If you always step in to save them, they will never learn how to cope with difficult situations.

Letting your teenager fail in school is one way to help them get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Your teenager will not always have you there to save them. 

Avoiding Failure In School Causes Entitlement

Protecting your teen from failure and discomfort can teach them that they shouldn’t ever experience negative or bad feelings. Learning to avoid these types of emotions can lead to a sense of entitlement.

A sense of entitlement will teach teenagers that they are not responsible for their actions. A sense of entitlement can harm their academic, personal, and professional life.

It is important to remember that your teenager is not entitled to a good grade. They are responsible for their actions and should be prepared to face the consequences of their actions. In the end, your teenager can learn to overcome failure through acceptance, responsibility, and action.

Learning from Failing in School

Learning from Failure Teaches a Growth Mindset 

A growth mindset is one of the most important things someone can learn. It is the belief that they can continue to grow and surpass their current ability level through hard work, effort, advice, and learning from their mistakes.

A growth mindset will empower your teenager to make the most of their natural abilities, reach their potential, and motivate them to do the necessary work. Achieving this mindset is impossible without accepting your mistakes and learning from them.

Six Tips to Help Your Teen Navigate Failing in School 

Watching your teenager fail is not easy for any parent. However, letting your teenager face the consequence of their actions doesn’t mean you have to walk away entirely. These tips can help you support your teenager while they learn from their mistakes.

1. Embrace a Question-Based Approach While Letting Your Teenager Fail In School

One of the best ways to support your teenager as they begin to take responsibility for their mistakes is to embrace question-asking. Question asking is far more effective than being prescriptive.

Asking questions demonstrates interest in your teenager’s perspective and opinion. It can also teach them that they hold the answers and solutions to the problems that they are facing.

For example, asking the following questions after your teenager makes a mistake can support their growth tremendously:

  • What went wrong?
  • How can you improve in the future?
  • What did you learn from this experience?

Don’t expect a specific answer when you ask this type of question. Teenagers can tell when they are fishing for a particular answer. If your teen gives a solution you don’t like, that is ok.

An answer they are forced to give is the “illusion” of a win. It might sound good, but it doesn’t mean anything. 

Finally, if you have some relevant advice you would like to give, ask your teenager if they would like to hear it. Allow them to turn down your offer. You will be surprised how differently they respond to your advice when you ask for their consent first.

Setting boundaries is an important part of letting your teenager fail in school.

2. Let your Teenager Set up Clear Expectations and Boundaries

As much as teens seek independence and autonomy, they also want boundaries and expectations. Working with your teen to set these can give them a sense of ownership over their actions and behavior. 

To set clear expectations, meet your teen first and ask for their opinion. The following questions can be helpful:

  • What are reasonable academic/behavioral expectations?
  • What do they need to do to meet those expectations?
  • What is the reward for reaching the expectations, and what is the consequence for not achieving them?

If they are unsure, offer some suggestions. However, don’t make the mistake of offering too many suggestions.

These expectations and boundaries must be realistic and achievable. For example, if your teenager is failing a class, it might be unrealistic to expect them to get an A.

It is also essential that these expectations and boundaries are clear. Vague expectations only lead to frustration on your part and your teenager’s.

3. Focus on A Specific Problem While Letting Your Teenager Fail In School

As a parent, it can be easy to see all the challenges facing your teenager. You might be worried about their college opportunities or if they can show up to their job on time. These concerns can result in nagging and other unhelpful behaviors that will not motivate your teenager.

Instead of worrying about a dozen different things, take some time and identify the areas you want to help your teenager the most. These areas of focus might be:

  • turning in homework on time
  • completing responsibilities at home
  • writing down assignments in their agenda

Once you have identified the problem(s) you want to focus on, prioritize it and let the other concerns slide. You can get to those in the future. Presenting a consistent and focused message to your teenager will help them stay on track without overwhelming them. 

A schedule can help your teen learn from failing in school.

4. Establish a Routine with your Teenager

Establishing a routine with your teenager is one of the best ways that you can help them succeed while allowing them to take responsibility for their actions. Like setting boundaries or expectations, this should be a collaborative effort.

Start by sitting down with your teenager and asking them what a typical day looks like for them.

Then, ask them to identify any time blocks that could be used more effectively. Finally, ask them what they need to do to meet their academic/behavioral expectations.

Use the answers to these questions to help your teenager establish a routine. Be sure to include extracurricular responsibilities and family events. 

The next step is helping your teenager stick to the routine by holding them accountable.

You can do this by checking in with them at regular intervals. You can also model this behavior by working at the same time they are. For example, if they decide to do homework from 5:00-7:00 pm every night, bring your work, sit in the same room, and work alongside your teenager.

Demonstrating to your teen that you also follow a routine is an excellent way to get them to buy into the concept without forcing them to do it.

As your teenager sees success following this routine, the following steps are asking them if they would like to make any adjustments or tweak to their schedule. Eventually, you will not need to hold them accountable, and they will follow the schedule because they see its value. 

5. Hire an Academic Coach for Your Teenager

Giving your teen the space to fail and learn from their mistakes can be stressful for both you and your teen. Hiring an academic coach is an excellent move if you want to facilitate this process and make it easier for you and your teen.

An academic coach can help your teen develop the skills and habits they need to succeed in school. A coach can also give your teenager accountability and support from a 3rd party.

Support from a third party can be an invaluable resource for your teen as they work to improve their grades and take responsibility for their academic future.

Additionally, an academic coach can help you and your efforts to create a home environment that supports your teenager as they make mistakes and learn from them.

You and your teenager don’t have to go through this process alone. An academic coach can be the exact kind of support needed for all parties involved.

Praise is an important part of letting your teenager fail in school.

6. Succeed or Fail in School: Praise the Effort Rather Than the Outcome 

Praising effort is one of the most important steps you can take to support your teen as they learn to grow from their mistakes. Your teenager is going to make mistakes. It is inevitable. What matters is how they handle these failures.

Praising your teen’s effort rather than the outcome will help them see that you value their hard work and determination. It will also help them understand that you are not just focused on the result.

Your teenager cannot guarantee success. They cannot ensure they will get an A on a test or achieve a certain GPA. They might become deflated and discouraged if they fail to meet these goals.

However, if you praise their effort and hard work, your teen will understand that even though they didn’t reach their goal, they were still successful. They can use this critical lesson in other areas of their life, such as in their future career.

Moving Forward 

Letting your teenager fail and take responsibility for their actions is a huge step. Giving your teenager the independence and autonomy to own their actions can teach them many valuable lessons. The tips I’ve outlined in this article can help you support your teen as they undertake this journey.

If you want additional support for you and your teen, let’s talk. I am an academic coach that has helped hundreds of students reach their potential. 

Every child is different, so let’s discuss how we can work together to get your child back on track – schedule your free consultation. 

About the Author: John Hyde

I am an educational coach specializing in teaching students academic fundamentals and a growth mindset. 

After graduating from Duke University in 2015, I taught at a public middle school from 2016 to 2019. Although I loved working with students in the classroom, the public education system was not teaching students the skills essential to academic success. 

I left the classroom in 2019 to start Academic Empowerment Academy. Since then, my coaching program has helped hundreds of students realize their academic potential by assisting them in building confidence and empowering them with the skills and mindset to meet their goals in school and life. 

If you’d like to discuss how I can help your teen be more motivated, foster good habits, and improve academic organization/performance, Book a Complimentary Discovery Call Here.

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Hi I’m John, author of this blog, academic coach, and founder of AE Academy.

I help teens reach their academic potential by empowering them with academic fundamentals, a growth mindset, and critical thinking. 

If your teen is struggling to reach their academic potential, or isn’t learning the skills they need to succeed in school, we should connect.

It’s on me – Book Your Free Call Here

gray steel file cabinet

The Top 5 Organizational Skills For Teens

Posted on by John Hyde in Academic Skills
The Top organizational skills for teens

You are probably here because you want to know the organizational skills for teens that your child is missing.

By the end of this article, you will have everything you need to divest responsibility and let your teenager take the reins.

But first, I want to tell you a story demonstrating the importance of these skills.

Several years ago, I met with a family that claimed to have a son that was incredibly gifted but lazy and unorganized. I thought we would be a great match; I would teach the family the same skills and methods outlined in this article. 

After working with the son for about 10 minutes, he exclaimed, “Mom. I’m hungry.” 

The mom appeared, gave the son a snack, and disappeared. The son promptly ate the snack and threw the wrapper on the floor. 

I was aghast. The son was fifteen years old and in high school. I feared the mother would return and start yelling at the son in front of me. Instead, she came and picked the wrapper off the floor and put it in the trash. 

I asked to see the son’s backpack and folders, which were an absolute mess. I asked him if he had ever cleaned out his backpack. He said, “No, but my mom sometimes does.”

At the end of the session, I spoke with the mom and dad and told them there would be no improvement until they expected their son to be responsible for himself and organize his belongings. 

The parents stone-walled me and said I should focus on helping their son, not the two. That was the first and only session we had.

You can avoid this outcome with the skills and methods I outline in this article. It is not too late to empower your teen to be responsible and shift the responsibility from your shoulders to theirs. 

The Key to Academic Success: 5 Essential Organizational Skills for Teens

Let’s dive into the organizational skills your teen needs to succeed. Each of these skills is essential for the success of any teen, both in the classroom and in life.

Due Dates are one of the most impmortant organizational skills for teens

1. The Most Important Organizational Skill For Teens: Keeping Track of Due Dates

This organizational skill is critical for success in school. Few things are more stressful than realizing a project is due tomorrow and you haven’t started it. Keeping track of due dates is a foundational organizational skill because it facilitates many more complex organizational tasks like planning study time and time management.

Your teen needs to learn to track when assignments are due and plan accordingly. This organizational skill will help your teen succeed in school and avoid last-minute scrambling.

There are many ways to keep track of due dates, but I recommend using a planner. Many school districts provide students with free planners; if your teen’s school does not, consider purchasing one.

Alternatively, if your teen feels like a planner is old school, they can use an app or their phone’s calendar. What matters is that they write down the due dates, not how they do it.

How to Teach This Organizational Skill to Teens:

The best way to teach this skill is to model it yourself. Show your teen how you keep track of your meetings and responsibilities. As your teen sees you using this system, they will be more likely to use it themselves.

You can also sit down with your teen and help them get started using a planner or organizational system. Show them how to write down upcoming due dates, and help them get in the habit of checking them regularly.

Many teens try to remember due dates or write them down at the end of the day. I encourage you to challenge your teen to write down due dates as soon as the teacher shares them.

It can also be helpful to check their planner weekly to ensure they write down their assignments and due dates.

2. Notebooks and Folders Maximize Organizational Skills For Teens

Another organizational skill your teen needs is to have a separate notebook and folder for each class. Notebooks and folders will help them organize their materials and make it easier to find what they need.

Ideally, your teen should have a three-ring binder for each class. They can use the binder to store their syllabus, handouts, and other materials. The three-ring binder will also make it easy to add and remove papers as needed.

If your teen prefers not to use a three-ring binder, they can use a folder for each class. The folder can hold their syllabus, handouts, and other materials.

How to Teach This Organizational Skill to Teens:

The best way to teach this skill is to model it yourself. Show your teen how you organize your materials for work or school. Explain why having a separate notebook and folder for each class is helpful.

You can also help your teen start by purchasing the needed materials and sitting down with them to organize their notebooks and folders. Show them how to store their syllabus, handouts, and other materials.

If your teen needs help staying organized, you may want to check their notebooks and folders weekly. A weekly check-in will help ensure they keep up with their organizational system.

You can't forget digital organizational skills for teens

3. Digital Organizational Skills

Digital organization is one of the essential organizational skills for teens. Schools are moving more and more of their materials online, and Google Drive is rapidly replacing physical folders and notebooks.

Unfortunately, many parents don’t show their teens how to do this because it is not a part of their educational experience.

Digital organization is crucial because it will help your teen keep track of their materials, access them from anywhere, and share them with classmates and teachers.

How to Teach This Organizational Skill to Teens:

The best way to teach this skill is to model it yourself. Show your teen how you use Google Drive or another online organizational system.

You can also help your teen get started by creating a Google Drive or online account. Then, sit down with them and show them how to upload, download, and share files.

Ideally, your teen should have a folder for each class. Each class folder should be a folder for homework, notes, and projects. It would also be wise to show your teen how to label google docs so they can be found later appropriately.

A weekly check-in is a good idea if your teen struggles with digital organization.

4. Utilize Organizational Skills With Study Time and a Workspace

Another organizational skill your teen needs is study time and workspace. Many teens chronically underestimate the time they have to do their assignments. This habit can lead to getting stuck in the late work cycle and constantly trying to catch up.

I recommend that teens block out a portion each day to do their assignments. Their study time can range anywhere from 1-3 hours, depending on their amount of homework.

In addition to having scheduled study time, a designated study time will help your teen focus on their work and avoid distractions.

A workspace is also crucial because it will help your teen stay organized. A designated workspace will give them a place to store their materials and tidy their work area.

How to Teach This Organizational Skill to Teens:

The best way to teach this skill is to use a calendar. I recommend using a whiteboard calendar because it is easy to edit and change and is a physical reminder. Your teen can keep the whiteboard calendar above their workspace.

Your teen should write down daily responsibilities like sports practice or other extracurricular activities. Additionally, your teen should fit study time into each day.

I recommend teaching this by creating the schedule together. As much responsibility should be put into your teen’s hands as possible. They need to know the times of their practices and any other practices they are involved with. If you keep track, your teen will not learn how to keep a schedule.

In regards to the study space, let your teen create this space. Please provide them with the material they need (i.e., a desk, chair, etc.) and let them make the space their own. Giving your teen control over their study space will help them feel more comfortable and invested.

Teens must learn how to manage their time as an organizational skill for teens

5. Time Management Is One of the Most Important Organizational Skills For Teens

Time management is perhaps the most critical organizational skill for teens. It is also one of the most difficult to teach. To be successful at time management, your teen must be comfortable with all the other skills on this list.

Time management will ensure that your teen dedicates enough time to different assignments and planning. Good time management will prevent sloppy mistakes and late assignments.

How to Teach This Organizational Skill to Teens:

The best way to teach this skill is to converse with your teen about time management. Talk about the importance of time management and how it can help them succeed. I recommend asking as many questions as possible. Some helpful questions include:

  • Does rushing stress you out?
  • Did you have enough time to do all your homework this week?
  • Did you have to rush to get anything done?
  • What could you do better in the future, if anything?
  • How much time do you think it will take to complete your assignments?
  • What other responsibilities do you have this week?

Then, create a plan together. This plan should involve creating a schedule and priorities.

Your teen’s first step is outlining all their responsibilities for the week. These responsibilities can include homework, extracurricular activities, and any other plans.

Then, have your teen estimate how much time each activity will take. Once they have an estimate, they can start to schedule their week.

I recommend using the same whiteboard calendar your teen uses to schedule their study time each day.

Tips for teaching organizational skills for teens

Tips for Teaching Organizational Skills For Teens

Now that you know the essential organizational skills for teens, I want to include some general guidelines on how to teach these skills.

Be Patient with Your Teen

When teaching organizational skills to your teen, patience is critical. It will take time for your teen to implement the skills and for you to see results. Do not get discouraged if you do not see results immediately.

Additionally, each teen will learn differently. Some organizational skills will come more naturally to your teen than others. It is essential to be patient and tailor the approach to organizational skills based on your teen’s needs.

Select a Specific Organizational Skill 

It may be tempting to try and teach your teen all the organizational skills at once. However, this is overwhelming and counterproductive. I recommend teaching organizational skills in the order that I listed above. Introducing them in order is particularly important because the skills build on each other.

Identify where your teen is at and what organizational skills they currently have. Then, focus on one managerial skill and help your teen improve. Once they have mastered that skill, you can move on to the next.

Approaching organizational skills in this way will keep the process manageable. The last thing you want to do is overwhelm your teenager.

encouragement is essential for teaching your teen organizational skills

Give Teens Praise For Their Use of Organizational Skills

Praise is one of the most important ways to support your teen as they improve these skills. Positive affirmations will encourage your teen to keep going hard and improve their self-esteem.

It can be easy to focus on the negatives and what your teen is doing wrong, but this is not motivating and will have the opposite effect. It would be best if you aimed for a ratio of 5:1 positive to negative praise.

Your support is also essential. If organizational skills are causing your teen stress, have a conversation about it. Provide reassurance and support as your teen goes through this process.

Use an Organizational Skills Checklist for Students 

All the new information your teen is getting may be overwhelming. It might prove difficult for them to stay on track and use the skills they have developed. A great way to help them apply their organizational skills is to use a checklist. 

If your teen has a checklist, they will know precisely what to do each day/week. 

You can create your own or download the one I’ve designed specifically for this article. 

Ask your teen questions

Ask Questions About Your Teen’s Organizational Skills

Asking questions is another great way to facilitate your teen’s growth and improvement. It can be easy to become prescriptive and tell your teen what they are doing wrong or how to improve, but this is not helpful.

Instead, ask your teen questions about their organizational skills. Here are some examples:

  • How do you feel when you are rushing to get things done?
  • What is one organizational skill you would like to improve?
  • How can I help you as you work on improving your organizational skills?
  • What do you think is the biggest obstacle to being organized?

Remember, the goal is to help your teen develop organizational skills, not to do it for them. Asking questions will help you understand your teen’s perspective and how you can best support them. It also puts them in the driver’s seat, giving them the answers and solutions to their challenges.

Wrap Up

Organizational skills are not easy to learn. However, with time and effort, your teen can develop the skills they need to be successful.

Remember to be patient, focus on one skill at a time, give praise and support, and ask questions. If you follow these guidelines, you will be well on your way to helping your teen develop essential organizational skills.

If you want assistance teaching your teen these organizational skills, let’s talk. I have worked with hundreds of students and helped them build the skills they need to succeed in school and life. 

Every student has specific needs and challenges; let’s talk about how we can help your teen become a master of organization and help them take responsibility for their academics – book your free discovery call here. 

About the Author: John Hyde

I am an academic coach specializing in teaching students academic fundamentals and a growth mindset. 

After I graduated from Duke University in 2015, I taught at a public middle school from 2016 to 2019. Although I loved working with students in the classroom, the public education system was not teaching students the skills essential to academic success. 

I left the classroom in 2019 to start Academic Empowerment Academy. Since then, I’ve helped hundreds of students realize their academic potential by building confidence and empowering them with the skills and mindset to meet their goals in school and life. 

If you’d like to discuss how I can help your teen be more motivated, foster good habits, and improve academic organization/performance, Book a Complimentary Discovery Call Here. 

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Author Spotlight

Hi I’m John, author of this blog, academic coach, and founder of AE Academy.

I help teens reach their academic potential by empowering them with academic fundamentals, a growth mindset, and critical thinking. 

If your teen is struggling to reach their academic potential, or isn’t learning the skills they need to succeed in school, we should connect.

It’s on me – Book Your Free Call Here